THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
The Zombie Giftocalypse XI
Welcome, my fun-filled undead lovers to the eleventh annual Zombie Giftocalypse - can you believe that just last month, The Dead Times turned ten years old! Yes, it's Christmas time again and, shortly, I will be venturing out of my sullen tomb, roaming the grounds for the perfect dead, stick-like, tree of damnation to bring some end of year joy into the crumbling, cracked walls of the crypt.
The number at the end of this year's giftocalypse has changed with the morbid advancement of time but the formula stays the same; ten ghoulishly good gifts are listed below to procure for the Zombie fanatic in your life (or to keep for yourself, a devilishly selfish act that must be commended). The festive trinkets chosen have never been featured on the website before nor have they even been mentioned, guaranteeing a horrible yuletide surprise (oh how delicious). So, before the dead burst forth from their graves, like presents unwrapped under a waning moon, their contents erupting into chilly night, the list begins...
1. Dead Strange
Buy "Dead Strange" on Sideshow
It is a disgusting pleasure to, once again, adorn the top of the list with a Zombie figure of eye-watering quality, super-detailed yet also super-expensive; this year, a particularly gruesome specimen, pulled from the cinematic universe of Marvel's Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness film. This exquisite piece shows Doctor Strange, played by Benedict Cumberbatch, as the Zombified version of himself, his hellish cloak of demons trying to pull him back after possessing the body of a dead version of himself - a crime against the natural order of the cosmos.
2. Tarman figure
Buy "Tarman figure" on Mad About Horror
This 1:6 scale figure of Tarman from the movie Return of the Living Dead is to die for. The figure wonderfully captures the disgusting, gloopy tar that has seeped into the unfortunate body of this re-animated corpse after having been encased in a barrel of 2-4-5 Trioxin (the icky, gas-liquid that resurrects the dead) for so long. The model also comes complete with black strips, giving the illusion of tar dripping from Tarman's skeletal frame. There are two interchangeable heads - one with the mouth closed and one with the mouth open, for when he has seen brains, his favourite food!
3. Zombie Super TOOB
Buy "Zombie Super TOOB" on Safari Ltd
While they may not be super-detailed, this TOOB full of 12 Zombie figures, all painted and ready to stalk the living is a steal at this price. I particularly like the fleshy, skeletal Zombie rising from the grave and the "Elder Zombie", one arm completely destroyed, the bone protruding from the useless stump.
4. Cute Zombee t-shirt
Even I, with my blackened heart of destruction, can see the adorable 'cuteness' of this one
Buy "Cute Zombee t-shirt" on TEEPUBLIC
Here's a cute offering to disrupt the eternal horrors of life after death. This t-shirt sports a gigantic Zombified, cartoon bumblebee - its normal yellow and black colouring turned green and black to highlight its sickly, undead nature without the need for any unsightly gruesomeness. There are a range of t-shirt sizes and background colours on offer - a simple yellow background works well or, for a truly psychedelic experience, select the "Tie Dye" colour scheme. Don't want a new t-shirt? That's fine - switch it to everything from a heavy-weight hoodie down to a basic mug.
5. Zombie Life hoodie
Buy "Zombie Life hoodie" on TEEPUBLIC
Show all your friends that you love Zombies by sporting this epic "Zombie Life" hoodie. I see this and it tells me that the wearer does not just watch Zombie movies, they research Zombies, they read Zombie books, they play Zombie games, they collect Zombie figures… if it's got the word "Zombie" in it, they are all over it. It is also vaguely ironic as "Life" is the one thing Zombie's do not have.
6. Night of the Living Dead 1990 remake poster
Buy "Night of the Living Dead 1990 remake poster" on Etsy
The remake of George A. Romero's 1968 classic Zombie movie, Night of the Living Dead, is an underrated gem of a film which, I think, does not get enough credit. With this official movie poster, you can give it back the credit it badly deserves - and make your walls look pretty in the process.
7. Night of the Living Dead VHS lamp
Buy "Night of the Living Dead VHS lamp" on Etsy
This retro VHS-tape converted into a lamp is fangtastic - and a spine-chillingly awesome gift idea. I love the slightly dusty appearance of the tape, with the fake moss to really give it that graveyard look. You can get the lamp light in a range of colours and even customise the lamp's power supply from batteries to USB. Now if they had just called it Light of the Living Dead...
8. Zombie gaming stand bundle
Buy "Zombie gaming stand bundle" on Etsy
I know that most of you budding Zombie fans out there also love your gaming - quite often, the two go hand-in-hand. With this earth-shattering gaming bundle, you can rest your gaming controller in the safe hand of a re-animated corpse when you have finished blowing holes in virtual living dead. With the expertly carved heavy-duty foam skull, you've also got somewhere to place your headset while outside the nightmarish digital landscapes of the apocalypse.
9. Metal Zombie Research Facility plaque
Buy "Metal Zombie Research Facility plaque" on Etsy
This metal plaque can be hung on any door and instantly informs people attempting entry that behind this sealed gateway is an officially sanctioned Zombie Research Facility and that they may wish to think twice before entering - especially without permission. The weathered edges of this plaque suggest that it has been a sign placed there for a while and has been damaged over the years, either by the environment or, in the worst case, by the chaos following the outbreak of 'live' specimens.
10. Framed Land of the Dead film cell
Buy "Framed Land of the Dead film cell" on Etsy
Land of the Dead was George A. Romero's final big-budget Zombie movie and, to be honest, it is rare to find any quality memorabilia about it (the film not being that well-received). This framed film cell takes one snapshot of movie history and preserves it forever, right in your living room (or, should that be, dying room, ha ha ha)! While the whole piece may be small, measuring only 6 inches by 4 inches, it is a 100% unique gift that will show anyone that visits your splendid haven of undeath, that you are a true Zombie fan.
DESCRIPTION:
The time of year for heart-warming cheer is here once again, my devilish followers, the time of festive celebration among the living, plentiful eating and, I hope, the ripening of brains; Christmas. As usual, my fetid fingertips have been unleashed on my most devious of keyboards, feverishly entering keys to scour the inglorious Interweb for ten gifts of unholy joy. Many rotten blessings to each and every one of you in this darkest of celebrations as I wish the souls of even the foulest hell beast, a very merry Christmas.
CATEGORY:
The Zombie Giftocalypse
WRITTEN BY:
DATE UPLOADED:
03/12/2023