THE DEAD TIMES
DEAD ARE COMING...
The Zombie Giftocalypse X
It is Christmas time again already folks - time passes quickly when you spend increasing amounts of it locked inside a tomb - and that means one thing, it's time for me to cast a withered eye over the digital stands of the Interweb and select ten of the most fiendish, most disturbing and most down-right loveable Zombie items around. As with every year, there are rules to follow - edicts that must not be broken to ensure the masters of the undead realm remain slumbering.
- No item on this awe-inspiring list has been reviewed on The Dead Times before - every sordid visage of misery is new, fresh and intoxicatingly evil.
- The list, taken as a whole, provides a good spread of items; the interests of ghouls vary and, as far as my putrid powers allow, all such oddities have been catered for.
Still, despite this horrid season of joy and plenty, I have noted the unfortunate decline of our favoured monsters of wonder - Zombies - from the ever-fickle human culture. Many of the so-called "big-hitters" have no delightfully devilish trinkets to offer. It is the independents, the accursed individuals who keep the unholy torch of undeath alight and thus, such despicable cretins, feature heavily in this year's Zombie Giftocalypse.
1. Johnson & Jackson - Two 1/6 scale figures from The Bitten Series
These two figures are so similar, I just had to group them into one item slot - they remind me of the two FBI agents from the hit Christmas movie Die Hard, Agent Johnson and Special Agent Johnson (no relation). The figures themselves are exquisitely detailed with real hair, weathered fabric clothing and exposed guts. They both feature a number of interchangeable parts, including a removable brain, so you can get them looking how you want.
2. Recycled Dawn of the Dead Table Lamps
Buy the "Movie poster lamp" on Etsy
Buy thw "DVD cover lamp" on Etsy
Even those of us who are already dead know that it is important to look after the planet, after all, ghouls need somewhere to feed. With these amazing novelty table lamps made from old DVD covers, VHS packages and other movie memorabilia you can help give old things new life (and we love resurrection here at The Dead Times) while lighting up your room and showing off your love of quality Zombie movies. It's not just Dawn of the Dead though - I just picked these two enviable specimens because I loved them. Take a gander at the seller's page on Etsy and nearly all movies are catered for. From the comments, if you cannot find what you are looking for, just contact the seller and they'll try to track your desired gift down.
3. Dead inside, Do not enter: Notes from the Zombie Apocalypse
Buy "Dead inside, Do not enter" on Amazon
This is not your normal book or graphic novel as it does not tell one coherent story. Instead, its pages comprise a strew of hand-written documents, diagrams, sketches, scrawls, messages of warning... the detritus left behind when the world collapses under the weight of a Zombie outbreak. It is left to you to form a narrative in your mind, to shift through the leftovers and piece together the tragic tale of how mankind fell to the undead hordes.
4. Jill Valentine quarter scale statue
Buy "Jill Valentine quarter scale statue" on Sideshow
This incredibly detailed statue of Jill Valentine and Zombies is clearly inspired by the remake of Resident Evil 3. It is an awesome action pose of Jill, an operative from Racoon City's S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics And Rescue Squad) police unit, blasting away at ravenous undead as she dives backwards, breaking police tape, no doubt put up by the local police, cordoning off the site of a recent lethal Zombie attack. It's a pricey one for sure, but I think its worth it for fans of the game.
5. Alternate Night of the Living Dead poster from Phantom City Creative
Buy "Alternate Night of the Living Dead poster from Phantom City Creative" on Shop62004
Buy "Alternate Night of the Living Dead poster from Phantom City Creative" on eBay
I adore this stylized-poster design; it's bleak and bold with its red/black colour palette, wonderfully capturing the starkly brutal nature of Zombies. The farmhouse - rendered in black & white, just like the movie - sits isolated and alone in a sparse forest. Outside, you can see 'nods' to George A. Romero's legendary film; Ben's battered truck, run off the road, and the burning seat the survivors push out the door. Zombies march up towards the doomed house in vaguely detailed blood-red hues. The moon - red as well - drips, signifying the blood-drenched horror of the night to come. This poster is simply awesome, every fan of Romero's original film needs to bag this.
6. Tarman bust
It's no secret that Tarman from Return of the Living Dead is my favourite Zombie of all time; he started the whole 'Zombies eat brains' idea! This miniature bust of the slimy ghoul is great - a product to die for, in fact. It is an awesome piece with phenomenal colours and small, painstaking detail. You can even buy it unpainted to try out your artistic skills if you so desire. The bust sits upon a military 2-4-5 Trioxin barrel which, being a barrel of the liquid/gas which brought the dead back to life in the first place - is a must for Tarman products.
7. Classic Biohazard T-shirt
Buy "Classic Biohazard T-shirt" on RedBubble
With this old-school t-shirt, commemorating the first ever true Zombie game Resident Evil, you can let the world know about your diehard obsession with Zombies and Zombie video games. However, this shirt goes beyond that. It shows you are not simply amazed by only the attempts of western culture to capture these groaning monstrosities in video games but also have a true understanding of the Japanese roots of modern Zombie survival horror. It's Biohazard this t-shirt shows, the same game as Resident Evil but where its dark heart of twisted evil was first realised - Japan.
8. Zombie Santa Christmas Decoration
Buy "Zombie Santa Christmas Decoration" on Etsy
Everyone, no matter living or dead, needs things to hang on their tree at Christmas. Unfortunately, the normal style for fun-loving humans is elves, candy canes and jolly old Santa Claus figures with chubby cheeks and bashful beards. For the more diabolical among us, this 'prettiness' will not stand! Get some horror in there or, better still, some Zombie horror with this adorable Zombie Santa (Zanta) Christmas tree decoration.
9. Wither: A Zombie Novel
Buy "Wither: A Zombie Novel" on Amazon
This book comes recommended by the fiends at Zombie Research Society who definitely know their stuff when it comes to the living dead. It is also written by two Special Forces veterans to give the book that amazing grounding of real-world combat experience. Basically, the story focuses on two groups of people trying to survive through a Zombie apocalypse. Both sides soon realise that their psychological state, and the difficulty in maintaining high spirits during a Zombie outbreak, can be just as challenging an enemy as the relentless undead roaming the world. Then, their paths combine, and what it means to be human in an undead world, is brought into question.
10. Life Before Coffee travel coffee mug
Buy "Life Before Coffee travel coffee mug" on RedBubble
Coffee is a vital concoction for humanity - many humans are seemingly unable to function as rational, thinking machines until they have had their first cup of this intoxicating elixir, acting as sheer automatons, going this way and that, driven, just like Zombies themselves, by pre-set impulses. This neat travel coffee mug comes complete with safety lid so the glorious liquid does not spill from the hands of the Neanderthal that is holding it before they have consumed the hot liquid inside and fully blossomed into something more civilized.
DESCRIPTION:
The festive times have come again, my bone-ridden children, and be you living or undead, you will know the bounty all humans place on gifts. As usual, I have scanned the digital vector for ten of the best, most disturbing and most festively macabre gifts for the rotten Zombie-lover in your life. Have a delicious Christmas fellow beasts of the underworld and see you for more ghoulishly good times in 2023!
CATEGORY:
The Zombie Giftocalypse
WRITTEN BY:
DATE UPLOADED:
27/11/2022